If you’ve had an active sex life, you cannot say you haven’t ever faced this. You have had sex for a long time till now, and it never came up. But you don’t know where your partner picked it up, but suddenly you hear the words: talk dirty to me. Instead of complying with your demand, you are doing anything but that. Dirty talk during sex doesn’t happen effortlessly!
You may have watched multiple instances where two people talk dirty to each other. But when you try doing it, you come off as a toddler trying to say their first sentence. What you say in the next few moments can kill the mood or take you to a level of arousal not known before! And the pressure certainly gets the best of most of us.
Don’t worry; you are not incurable. It is normal to feel anxious as you choose the perfect thing to say. To help you out, here are a few tips and tricks on what you should and shouldn’t say during sex.
7 Tips to Nail Dirty Talk During Sex
Not knowing what to say can trip you up and make you feel embarrassed. And saying the wrong thing can spoil the mood. Everyone has different preferences, and maybe all your partner needs to hear is a single word. Here are seven things that will take your dirty talk game to another level:
1. Start Slow
You are not in a race; you don’t need to say the horniest things at the very start. Just like everything new should be, start slow and subtle. One of the best things to start off talking dirty is to compliment your partner. Compliment the way they smell or tell them how much you like them under you!
Telling your partner that you want to kiss them is also a good and slow start to talking dirty. The concept is that starting simple will ease you into dirty talk in bed, and you can gradually build up to hotter and racier things. You can even commit to saying at least two things in every lovemaking session. It will help you get comfortable with talking dirty.
2. Find Your Partners Trigger Words
Everyone has some favourite terms for some sexual acts or body parts. Experiment with different words or phrases and see how they react to them during sex. These trigger words are beneficial as their sound seems to ignite newfound arousal in your partner.
An excellent way to find out your partner’s trigger words is by sexting with them. Steer the conversation to what your partner wants to do to you or wants you to do to them. They will use the phrases and terms that they find the sexiest. You can later use that information to tune your bedroom vocabulary exactly how your partner loves to hear it.
3. Make Use of All Five Senses
Your language doesn’t just comprise the words that come out of your mouth. The gestures and tone of your voice can change the meaning of what you say dramatically. The same is valid for talking dirty during sex. So throw in a few experimental teases to their senses and see how they react to everything.
Get close to their ear and whisper-moan their name and tell them to do something to you. Tell them that you are going to mouth their whole body till it smells like your lip gloss. People love hearing the moans of their partners during sex. So make sure you give them the most of that!
4. Use Your Arousal as Talk
How you are feeling and how aroused you can be immense turn-ons for your partner. If your partner is doing something to you, tell them how amazing it feels. If you are in the middle of foreplay, telling your partner how wet you are would be a fantastic idea. While giving your partner updates like this can be tricky, it can be very erotic if you manage it.
When you tell your partner something about your body, their first reaction is to picture it. And as they picture your naked body in their head, it arouses them in an instant. The fact that they have a role in making your body feel that way brings a sense of encouragement to them.
5. Tell Them What You Want to Do to Them
This is one of the most advanced stages of talking dirty to your partner in bed. Telling your partner about any sexy moves you are going to perform on them is very arousing. Women usually get to doing it rather than saying it as they don’t know how their partner will react.
You can make sure you arouse your partner by saying something like this by talking about a move that you might have done in the past that your partner enjoyed. When you do that, you know that your partner will look forward to it.
6. Give Them Instructions
Based on your relationship, you can suggest or order your partner to do something for you. One example would be to take them to your bedroom and tell them to undress while making out with them. It would make them feel like you want to see them, and you desire them.
Hearing your wants and needs can be alluring to your partner. You can even tell them to give you oral or to lay back as you provide it to them. This little power play can be very arousing, especially if you have been curious about BDSM. Telling your partner to touch you where you want to be touched can seem awkward to you, but it allows them to step aside from the guessing game and please you as you like it.
7. Practice
Like any other activity you can get good at, the more you practice talking dirty, the better you get at it. Talking dirty feels awkward because sexual activities have been frowned upon by society for so long. People tend to suppress their desires and choose not to talk about them.
So the best way to get accustomed to it is to practice! So talk dirty to your partner, not only in the bedroom. You can do it anywhere; even the grocery store can get interesting with a suggestive comment or two!
7 Don’ts of Talking Dirty
Once you understand how all this dirty talking stuff works, it can get enjoyable very quickly. Some of the best sexual experiences you have will include some amount of suggestive remarks. But there is a right and wrong way to do it. There are just some things that you don’t talk about in the heat of the moment.
Talking about your relationship and your future might be great at other times, but maybe not so much in bed. Here are a few things that you need to avoid when talking dirty:
1. Don’t Just Repeat What They Say
When you are in the middle of an intense session of lovemaking, you are probably not thinking straight! Often you find something your partner says very sexy, and in an attempt to say something back, you just repeat them. Try not to do that. You are having a sexual dialogue; you are not trying to memorize phrases your partner is saying.
Even if you find something they say very erotic, try tweaking it a bit before saying it back to them.
2. No Puns
It’s highly unlikely that you are unaware of the sensation that puns are. If you are unaware, then head along; you probably don’t need this! Puns can be fun to throw in a routine activity you may be doing. But during sex, they become an unchartered territory. No matter how funny (or bad) that pun is, save it for later. Puns can ruin the mood completely!
3. Don’t Get Too Freaky
Everyone might claim they love a freak in the bed, but trust us, some don’t have the guts for it. If you do want to get a little kinky, make sure your partner is comfortable with the kink. Telling your partner that you want to clamp their nipples and tie them up can turn off someone who is not into BDSM at all.
4. No Exes!
Exes are a topic that you want to be clear of when you are with your current lover. It is a great thing to say if you intend to kill any sexual activity happening. Still, if you plan on fueling more arousal and making it exciting, this is an absolute no-go. Telling your partner to make you come harder than your ex will only make them wonder why you are thinking of your ex.
You will no longer be making love; you might have some explaining to do!
5. Don’t be Too Sweet!
While there is nothing like being too sweet in your everyday relationship, there is in sex. There are two kinds of sex when you think about it. One is making love, and you have all the room to be sweet and lovey-dovey when making love. But sometimes, it is not about love; you need to take care of the animal lust inside you.
When you are taking care of the lust part, your instincts are doing the talking. Telling your partner how much you adore them just after they said to you that they want to choke you is kind of off-putting.
6. Don’t Make Very Unrealistic Scenarios
Role-playing or fantasizing is very common when it comes to sex. And you can trickle a bit of fantasy in your dirty talking too. But it would help if you were more in the moment than in fiction to make your dirty talk arousing. It should be mindless and effortless both to say and hear.
If your partner has to work out who the Martian was and why they had multiple penis fingers, they would be lesser turned on and more concerned about where the sex is going. Keep it uncomplicated and realistic. Your partner should not have to think much to know what you are cooking!
7. Don’t Talk About Babies
Talking about babies (especially if you have some) during sex can distract you entirely from the act. Not to mention you will start thinking and worrying about something they might have done, and you will lose all hope of getting sexual anymore. And if you don’t have babies, well, that is another story entirely.
If your partner tells you they want to fill you with their come, and you respond with “yeah, put a baby in me”, the moment is pretty much dead. Your partner might be having an anxiety attack the very next moment thinking of being a father and having all that responsibility.
Figure Out What Talking Dirty Means to You
The ‘you’ here stands for you as a couple, not just you. Talking dirty and channelling the filthiest part of you in sex is much easier if you try to tell the truth. You both desire each other, and based on the sexual history of you two, you might want the exact same thing.
To see what you desire, and try to look at it from the perspective of your partner. Certainly, what you come up with will ignite the sexual vigour that you wanted to with your words. If that is way too complicated for you, stay true to the tips above. Steer clear of the don’ts and try to mix up a bunch of dos now and then.
If you use the weapon of talking dirty correctly, your partner will be thinking of the things you said for a long time after you two finish!